The Reports of Ansem the Stupid
by Cybrex
Summary: Whoever said Ansem Reports had to be Scientific? Watch Ansem the Stupid's many attempts at destroying Sora and avoiding Chuck Norris. Rated T for usage of the F word.
1. Report 1: Immortal Froggies

**The Reports of Ansem the Stupid.**

**Written by Gimulex**

**Published by Cybrex**

**I do not own Sora, and Donald and Dasher and Dancer and Prancer and Donner and uhh Blitzen? Any other KH characters are not mine. Except Ansem the Stupid cause he isn't Ansem the Wise he's my own character. Uh no actually he is Gimulex's but whatever because it's not my story. Moving on?**

Report 1:  
Today, I have realized something.

**I LIKE PIE!**

*ahem*, yes. Today, I realized I must kill Sora, since he tried to kill me to restore balance to light. Also, cinnamon tastes good. I have started to think I should kill him, but instead I thought of a potion to make frogs immortal. Hmmm... Froggies never dying... Anyways I accidentally dripped the potion on Sora. He turned into a toad. Yay I win. Then Donald stabbed me with a random knife he got from his interview with the Assasin's Creed's main Protagonist. Sora turned human and I went back to base where I had an operation to heal, and I got a plastic surgery while I was there (:3). Thank you. I will try another plan, once I heal.


	2. Report 2: House, Scrubs, and ER

**The Reports of Ansem the Stupid.**

**Written by Gimulex**

**Published by Cybrex**

**I didnt write the story it belongs to Gimu- yadda yadda yadda I Dont own the chara- yaddda yadda yadda Enjoy the- yadda yadda yadda Understand?  
**

Report 2:

I am completely healed and am not regretting the plastic surgery. I will now get an idea to do this...

...

I am wasting too much time, I will do this once I face myself upon the big white round one to drop my leftovers to save time, if you know what I mean.

...

What the FiretrUCK! I got an idea!  
*Poops*  
Now that's what I'm talking about!  
My new plan:  
Dress as a doctor, and tell Sora to come to the doctor to give him a booster shot, but instead of medicine in the shot, it will be poison!  
MUAHAHAHAHA  
MAUAHHAHAHAHAHA  
AHAHAHAHHA...Rofl  
Roflmao  
Roflmaoquarty  
And so on.  
I had the plan all ready. There was just one problem I recently realized. The shot was in the butt. Sora went in. He put his pants down for the shot. I barfed and my eyes bleeded. I was blind.  
"ONCE AGAIN YOU HAVE DEFEATED ME, KEYBLADEMASTER. BUT I, ANSEM WILL RETURN..."  
"THERES A DEMON LIVIN IN MAH SANDWICH AHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA" I said as I slammed myself through the window glass for a daring escape... Until I fell in a ferrari and ended up paying the 3K dollar fine.  
*Ahem", yes. I am a genius. I got laser eye surgery and a pill to erase all my memories of this day, so this will not haunt me at night, ahem, yes.  
Sora, I will return! Count on it! Also, you might want to start excersising! That butt of yours is... *barfs*.


	3. Report 3: Pisssed

**The Reports of Ansem the Stupid**

**I don't own the characters except for my OC's**

**Written by Gimulex**

**Published by Cybrex**

Report 3:

I have eaten pie once more.  
I got an idea for battle against Sora. I'll just pwn him to death.  
I went to Sora.  
Me: Hey sora, guess what starts with f and ends with ck.  
Sora: Uhh...  
Goofy: Sora dont do it! Your mommy will be ashamed  
Donald: The darkness will go inside you and Kairi will lose all absolute interest in you!  
Sora: Uh... Fuck?

Me: F, U, C, K? AHAHAHHHAHHAHHAHHA no! It was firetruck! AHAHAHAAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH  
Sora: ...Riiiighttt...  
Me: Now, wanna hear something?  
Sora: What?  
Me: Something! AHAHAHAHA.  
Sora: Dude...  
Sora gave me a brochure for Clown School, where sad people can learn to be funny. Now I am pisssed. It is with 3 s. pisssed, not pissed. pissed is for people of the third gender. pisssed is for men, and women in some cases.

*Ahem*, yes.

Donald summoned Mozart, who threw a piano at me with his super strength. I dodged it. Then...  
I saw him...  
Oh my god...  
It's...  
It's...

CHUCK NORRIS!  
He gave me a roundhouse kick. I fell to the floor. They had Norris, no fair. I went back to base and plotted my next revenge.


End file.
